Best Left Unsaid
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Aiden Shaw learns that some things are better left unsaid.


Just something that was begging to be written. I love Sex And The City, and even though I believe Carrie and Big were supposed to be together, I can't help but feel bad for Aiden. He was a good guy who did nothing wrong, but got screwed. He loved Carrie, and you feel for the guy. If he had done something wrong, I wouldn't feel so bad for him. But he didn't. So I decided to write something in his POV. Enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

SATCSATCSATCSATCSATC

I knew there was something going on.

The first time I saw Carrie Bradshaw, she instantly took my breath away. She was stunning, and I think right then I lost my heart to her.

I've never been one to play the field, and growing up it was always drilled into my head to respect any and all women and treat them like the finest china. Delicate, beautiful, and easily broken. But Carrie blew all of that away. She was strong, fierce, and definitely not delicate. Her sassy attitude and flippant remarks catapulted me somewhere beautiful, where only the two of us existed. And the fact that she liked Petey only sealed it for me.

Every time I saw her again after that, it got harder and harder to say goodbye. Yet I wasn't ready to spend the night with her. I wanted to take this slow, and rushing into the physical too fast could potentially destroy our budding relationship. And that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Each step we took together was something that amazed me, and I think even then I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. Though some steps were harder for us to take than others, her quirks and sometimes irrational fears only served to endear her to me.

Then I met him. It was at my furniture show, and as soon as I saw him standing in front of her, my stomach sank. There was a willowy brunette half his age holding onto his arm, but there was no denying the look in his eyes as he looked at my Carrie. She had mentioned a few times a painful breakup with a nameless, faceless man who broke her heart twice, and deep in my heart, I had a feeling that I had just put a face with the description.

After the meeting, which ended with her spilling coffee all over him, I asked her how she knew the brunette woman and the man who looked at her too much for my comfort.

"Oh, you know, from around. Like a hundred years ago. From a past life." She had hugged me and shrugged it off, but I could not let go of it.

Even though I'd only known her a couple of months, I knew her well enough to know that she was lying. He was someone, or had been, very close to her. I could tell just by the way his eyes combed over her, as though he owned her.

And when she suddenly started sneaking out and getting mysterious phone calls, I didn't want to admit to myself the possibility that it was him, the man who had her before I did. Who had touched her, made love to her, but ultimately broke her heart. I trusted Carrie, and looking back now, maybe I trusted her more than I should have.

I accepted when she told me that she had a deadline, or a headache. The reality was that I was afraid. Of what, I wasn't sure. Then came a day when I had to leave for a weekend. It sat heavily on my heart from the minute I found out about it. I didn't want to be separated from her for a minute. And every time I slowed down to think about it, it seemed to bother me more and more.

Then the day actually came, and I was surprised when she hugged me and begged me not to go. Since I had told her I was going, she had seemed fairly okay with it. But when it came time for me to go, I almost felt like I was leaving her for good. I just held her tighter and kissed her head, relishing having her in my arms.

That entire weekend I thought about her, and somewhere in those forty eight hours, I made a decision. I was going to tell her just what I was feeling, and how much she meant to me. And hopefully she wouldn't laugh me out of her apartment and out of her life.

Thinking about it now, if I had it to do over, I might not have left. I might have stayed home with her and kept her in bed, holding her in my arms and loving her like there would be no tomorrow.

The day of Charlotte's wedding came fast. I knew there was something weighing heavily on Carrie's mind. She just wasn't herself. She had always loved being in my arms, and I loved holding her. But that particular day, it seemed, she didn't even want to be near me. I just chalked it up to the wedding, and the phrase, 'Always a bridesmaid, never a bride,' constantly rang in my mind. But I was going to change that. I didn't want to say anything too soon, but I knew she was the woman I wanted to give my last name to. Carrie Shaw. It made my heart race. But the other emotions it also summoned terrified me.

I had come close to marrying someone before, but the way I felt about her paled in comparison to how I felt about a certain blonde haired, shoe obsessed author who had completely stolen my heart. I wanted to marry this woman. I wanted her to bear my children, to raise them with her, and grow old with her. Carrie and Aiden. It just made a perfect kind of sense.

This day was a catalyst of sorts. When I showed up at her apartment so that we could drive to the wedding together, there was something different in those beautiful eyes that I adored. For weeks I had been denying anything was wrong, or even different. I had been content to remain in that blissful state, where nothing existed but us. But right then, I knew I couldn't deny it. Things had shifted, and I doubted it was for the best. My heart dropped to the floor.

I tried to pull her close to me, but she retreated, breaking my heart. For weeks she had been pulling away from me, and I wanted to know why. At least, I thought I wanted to know why.

Then she said it, and it felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest, then mutilated while I watched helplessly. Deep down, deep, deep down, I had known something was wrong. But I hadn't let myself admit it. I didn't want to lose her, and I always figured that whatever it was, we could get through it together. But as she spilled her secret, images of the two of them in bed together, naked and tangled together flooded my mind. And a little piece of me died.

It was right then that I realized I would never be able to get past something like this. The pain was a knife in my chest, and I found myself wishing that it was a literal knife. Maybe it would hurt less than the secret she was finally confessing, the sin she was laying at my feet.

But then I saw the look on her face, and I realized that this hurt even worse. Seeing the pain in her expression was more than I could bear. She was remorseful, and she wanted to atone for those sins. And I almost wanted to let her. I wanted to rewind this day, change it somehow. But I knew that it wouldn't help. She would still have cheated, and I would still feel this gut twisting pain that was slowly eating me alive.

Then she was begging for forgiveness, begging for a second chance, and all I could do was hand her the small parcel that had been clutched in my sweaty hands. There was no way that I could go to this wedding now, and as she asked if I would meet her later, I couldn't even answer. I didn't know. I just turned and closed the door on her, and I was afraid, on us.

I walked around the block for a while before finally going to the church where the wedding was being held, and where I knew she would be. By the time I arrived, the wedding was over, and I could see her approach me. I listened as she apologized and begged for my forgiveness, and I held her as we both cried for what had once been. I knew myself well enough to know that this was a betrayal not easily forgiven. I held her tighter and kissed the top of her head, whispering how much I still loved her. I wanted to run with her, to escape all of this. But it just wasn't going to happen like that.

I heard Miranda call her name, and I watched helplessly as she pulled away and went back to them. I knew I was letting the single greatest thing I had ever had go, but I also knew I had to do it. I couldn't live with this, at least not now.

And now, as I turn to leave the church, I glance over my shoulder one last time.

I love you, Carrie, and I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

The End.

A/N: *hugs Aiden* Poor guy. But he just wasn't right for Carrie, and he did eventually get the family he wanted. He just had to get hurt twice in the process to get there. Hope everyone enjoyed this, and please review!


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